Love is All I Have
by gilgameshforeternity
Summary: Dean, he smells like home, like long drives at night and kisses before bed. A collection of stories centered around Dean and Sam. Rated M for yaoi. Dean W./Sam W. Underage, Wincest.
1. Love is All I Have

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot

**Title: Love is all I have  
Chapter: 1/?  
Pairing: Sam W./ Dean W.  
Words: 5,246  
Warnings:**** Male/Male, Underage, Incest, Swearing**

**(A/N)** I just needed to get it out of my system. This was more for me then anything else, a lot of random snippets meshed together into one story. Sorry for any spelling errors, 'tense' mix ups my fail at grammar, I've been staring at this for like a week straight, so bare with the ordered chaos and enjoy!

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Sam can't stand the heat. He's sitting outside in his basketball shorts in a chair so old it creaks with the slightest movement. It's the middle of a balmy Mexico summer and heat rises from the asphalt in waves. They're shacked up in a cheap hotel with even cheaper food stashed in the mini fridge, again. His father and brother were gone, scoping the town, digging up what they could. Sightings of the El Chupacabre had been increasing in the past months and it was becoming harder for them to ignore. Sam wasn't too eager to begin school next month. He didn't know what town they would be in or what state their father's health would be balanced on. Being 14, Sam just wanted to be done with middle school, to him, it felt like it had been 10 years instead of 4, and it made Sam feel older then he really was.

Wiping a hand over his face, strands of hair followed his fingertips, creeping along his brow. Sam stared out at the road, he knew better then to sit in broad daylight, he had been scolded more then once, but the box of sweltering heat behind him was enough to take the risk. His t-shirt stuck to him, the cotton of his boxers uncomfortable and he wants nothing more then to go swim in the measly pool in the middle of the hotel complex. Then again, if he was even caught with out his brother somewhere, he'd get a swift smack to the head and a nice long lecture. Frowning Sam sunk low in the seat, picking at his sweaty shirt before hefting himself up and slinking inside before his father came back.

00

It's 2 in the morning when the door slams open and Sam's awake like his life depends on it. Dragging himself out of bed he catches the rumble of his father speaking low through the paper thin walls. Stumbling out of the hallway he sees his father slapping down guns and maps onto the old dinning room table. Dean spots the scraggly teen first and makes to steer him back to bed. Feeling hands too hot for they're own good come down on his shoulders, he's spun around. Mumbling something incoherent Dean squeezes his shoulders and makes the decision for him. The dim light of the kitchen fades and Sam hopes his brother won't be a dick and walk him into a wall. The familiar smell of Dean's musk and cheap hotel sheets assault his nose and he knows he's back in their shared room.

"But, Dean-"

"Go to bed Sammy, we'll talk in the morning," Dean leans in close, giving Sam's shoulders another squeeze before kissing him on the head.

The heavy scent of Mexico's dusty streets and a beer that Dean's not even legal enough to drink wash over Sam and he closes his eyes, feels his brother press close and kiss him like he's ten again. Dean's hands are unforgiving and he's shoved into bed, the door closing behind the young hunter and it's silent save for the voices floating through the walls, lulling him back to sleep.

00

The sound of their father yelling and the front door slamming wakes Sam, he's laying in a tangle of blankets and he can feel the heat seep into his bones and burn him from the inside out. His eyes are dry and rubbing at them only makes them itch. Blinking at the ceiling, Sam sweeps his eyes around the room, spots Dean's empty bed and frowns, he's the last one to wake up, again. Sitting up, he feels himself break into a sweat and he knows today is going to be just as hot as the last. Walking into the dinning room and living room he spots Dean in the kitchen, standing over the stove.

His 18 year old brother has no shirt and Sam pauses for a moment, stares at the expanse of tan skin and scars. More often than not he's noticed how Dean is more defined in places that Sam can only wish that he was. His lanky limbs make him feel like a dork compared to his smooth, experienced bother. Climbing onto the old couch situated in front of the TV, Sam crosses his arms along the back, feels the worn fibers chafe at his skin and he watches Dean cook. Just sitting there, with the stove on, not more then 10 feet away, has Sam sweating through his worn cotton bed-shirt. it's 3 sizes too big because it used to belong to Dean. That's why there's hole's dotting the fabric and when he moves just the right way he swears he can smell Dean, the phantom scent is intoxicating. His brother has never done him wrong and Sam is content to just sit there, melting into the couch and watch his brother drift around the kitchen.

Sam could have sworn he entered the room in compete silence, but as Dean starts pulling down plates, the older male pegs him with a forest green stare and calls him over to help. Peeling himself off the couch, his skin itches and he walks over to assist. Plates are shoved into his hands and he makes for the table, only to be egged on faster as Dean follows closely with the hot frying pan. Sitting down Sam sets a plate in front and kitty corner to him. Dean drops heavily into the seat and starts shoveling eggs and sausage onto their plates. The smell is enough to make Sam dizzy and his stomach roar in anticipation. Dean chuckles at the sound and shoves a fork into his little brother's eggs.

Neither of them wait before shoveling food into their mouths and Sam groans in appreciation as the food sends his taste buds tripping over themselves, Dean snorts and keeps eating. The food is finished in silence and Sam licks his lips to get every last flavor into his mouth. Grabbing both their plates Dean leaves the table in favor of the sink.

"Where's dad?"

Dean's hands pause briefly as he starts to wash the dishes, "He's going it alone today, said he might be back later."

Sam looks to the table, "Oh."

The scratches and worn wood form enough lines to keep his attention till Dean taps a knuckle on the table. Looking up into green eyes his bother gives him a smile that can only mean one thing. Breaking the rules because what daddy don't know, won't hurt him.

"Want to go swimming?"

Sam is up and out of his chair in a heart beat. He had been longing to go for a swim since they had arrived at least a week ago. Sprinting to their room he's practically ripping his shirt and boxers off. Flinging them onto the bed he digs through the small drawers of the night stand and pulls out a pair of basketball shorts. Shrugging them on he can already feel the cool water on his skin and he jogs to the bathroom to grab a towel. Dean more or less meanders through the hotel room, lazily putting dishes away before sauntering to their room. Sam is bouncing impatiently next to the door, he knows his brother is taking his time on purpose.

"Dean," he whines.

A deep laugh comes from the back of their room and Sam scowls. It doesn't take his brother much longer before he's walking from the hallway, a pair of shorts slung low on his hips and a towel over one shoulder. His bouncing slows and Sam stops to watch as his brother riffles through his leather jacket for the key card to their room before shoving Sam out and into the scorching heat. Sam groans because the heat makes him sweat and the sun is so bright he has to squint.

"Quit complaining. You should feel lucky I'm even taking you to the pool," Dean growls and leads the way.

"Maybe I should have just taken a cold bath."

"And miss all the action at the pool?"

Sam isn't sure what Dean means by action, his body feels as slow as molasses and he's wishing for a flash flood would poor down from the heavens. The walk to the pool has Sam whining like the teenager he is, hot and uncomfortable till he sees the edges of blue water as they round a corner and he instantly perks up. Using the key card to get past the gate Dean watches as Sam scrambles past and claims an empty white beach chair. Toeing off his sneakers Sam breaks for the pool and dives into the water. The splash he makes sprinkles down on Dean like rain and he walks to the chair, dumping his stuff on top of Sam's. There's a few people there already for 10 in the morning, a couple sun tanning, some kids playing at the deep end of the pool and the occasional employee walking by. Slipping his shoes off he pads over to the edge of the pool, the hot cement licks at his feet till he reaches the slick white tile that eats at the edge of the pool. Breathing deep he feels the humidity and chlorine slick into his lungs and slick along his throat like syrup.

Sam surfaces a few seconds later, all smiles and gangly limbs trying to keep him afloat. Dean chuckles at the sight. His younger brother his skinny and he knows the little Winchester is going to grow like a weed. Sitting himself down on the edge of the pool he relishes the feel of the water lapping at the back of his calves. He watched Sam doggie paddle over, spluttering water out of his mouth before he grabs at the tile on either side of Dean's knees.

"Come on!"

"What?"

"You know what," Sam glares, kicking his legs to stay above the water.

Dean gives him a lopsided grin, "No I don't."

Sam furrows his brow and juts his bottom lip out, all flustered from the heat and wet from the water. It tugs at something in Dean's gut, but he doesn't know what.

"Get in the water you dummy!"

"Oh that's what you want."

"Yes."

"You have to say the magic word."

He receives a death glare and Sam doesn't say anything. Dean knows how stubborn Sam is, he knows that the kid can't go a long with a joke sometimes because he's too hell bent on getting his own way. Sticking his tongue out Dean taunts his little brother. That is, till a swat of water comes from left field and douses his tongue in chlorine. Spluttering Dean yells and Sam laughs before pushing off from the edge because he knows he's won. Dean spits and tries to wipe the taste away but it's stuck and he shoots Sam a look that would melt the sun. Sliding into the water he barely notices the goose flesh that rises on his hot skin, quenched by cool water.

Sam doesn't look back as he tries to gain some ground, heading for the deep end in the hopes that the children playing there might serve as useful obstacles. Dean can touch the bottom of the pool for the most part, he knows what Sam is doing, sees the kid heading straight toward the boys playing keep away at the deep end. In the back of his mind he has to give the kid some points for effort. The plan would have been flawless, save for the fact the boys at the other end were playing rough and currently thrashing as they horse played on each other. What happened next almost stopped Dean's heart. In slow motion, he watched as the other kids shoved and flailed, he watched as Sam tried to swim around them, and his gut wrenched as he watched Sam get pegged in the face with a wayward elbow.

Dean pauses for a second before his movements become more frantic, Sam's nose is instantly bloody, he's clutching his face and forgets to keep swimming. Sam wants to scream in pain, the elbow had landed square on his nose. He froze up before he could keep swimming, water rushes into his mouth and his once careful strokes become less routine and more panicked. His eyes and nose sting as he dips under the surface, his lungs seize, water rushing in over his head, the sun becoming a churning ball of shimmering water. He doesn't hear his brother yelling after him, only hears his thoughts, _dead_, _drowning_, fill his ears.

"You kids! Move!"

Dean is yelling before he dives under the water, using his strong legs to push off the pool bottom and kick powerfully toward his bothers thrashing body. Dean can hear his heart pounding a beat of life or death in his ears, his eyes burn in the chlorine and it took all he had to keep them open, now was no time to he a pussy. Blood churned into the water, made the liquid around his sinking brother hazy. Dean gave a strong kick of his legs, grabbed onto one of Sam's limp wrists and pushed off the bottom, torpedoing up. His face broke the surface first and he forced air into his burning lungs. The dead weight of Sam almost brought him back down, except Dean wasn't ready to go yet, not like that. Hooking an arm around Sam's chest he kicked to the edge of the pool where people were crowded, worried and calling to him.

Using the muscles in his free arm he grabbed onto the tile, knuckles white and he strained to drag both him and his brother up. The cement was unforgiving, it bites into his knees as he lays Sam down, bloody and not breathing. His heart beat is still a thundering storm in his chest and he immediately tilts Sam's head back, listening with straining ears for any sign of breathing. Nothing. He knows what he has to do and Dean hopes he doesn't have to break any ribs while doing it. The people around him are a hazy blur of moving feet and worried voices. Lining his hands up along Sam's sternum Dean clasps his fingers and starts CPR. If he's thankful for one thing, it's that their father was a stickler for teaching them ways of keeping someone alive. Dean wasn't sure where to put his eyes, his hands or the pale face of his brother, he couldn't stop, no, he had to give it everything he had. There was no way someone else he loved was going to die. He pushed and pushed for what seemed like an eternity, Dean couldn't stop; wouldn't stop. A hand on his shoulder made him jerk a little harder on one downward thrust and a sound so heavenly filled his ears. Sam coughed and gagged, arms flailing out as he scrambled to his side and emptied the contents of his lungs and stomach.

Dean was barely aware the breakfast he had cooked was now baking on cement, all he saw was Sam's shaking form and dilated eyes looking at him for reassurance. Dean reached out and brought his brothers shivering form closer, he didn't care that blood smeared onto his shoulder, it was nothing new. A woman was talking to them, Dean had half a mind to snap at her, but just waved her away. Picking Sam up, all 100 and some pounds of him sopping weight, he turned and headed for their things. Dean could feel his heart twist as Sam wraps his arms around his neck and buries his face, shaking and sobbing.

"It's ok Sammy, I'm here. It's ok."

Dean just keeps whispering in his ear, low and hushed as he hurriedly grabs the key card and their shoes, forgetting the towels in favor of getting Sam home and safe. Dean ignores the burn of rocks and debris as he jogs back to their room, struggling to get the key card in the right position so he doesn't have to stand at the door and fumble like an idiot.

The key card choses that time to insist that Dean swipe the card twice before opening. Slamming the door shut Dean carries Sam, still a shaking mess to the kitchen and plop him down on the counter next to the sink. He tells Sam to hold his nose because the nose bleed is still gushing down his chin and onto his shorts. When Dean comes back from the bathroom with tissues and a towel, Sam has knees up and is curled in on himself, sobbing quietly.

Standing in front of his younger brother Dean speaks in a soft voice, "Sammy."

The mop of chocolate hair shifts and he can see red rimmed hazel eyes staring at him. He holds up the tissues and lets Sam take them with a quivering hand. They're instantly soaked and Dean searches the cupboards for thicker napkins. He comes up empty handed and turns back to the lanky mess of limbs still dripping dry on the counter. Bringing the towel up he works to dry Sam's hair first, leaving the towel on the kid's head before going for more tissues.

Sam stares at his hands, they're pink with chlorine and blood and he can't help but think of how the darkness closed in so fast he didn't even have time to think of his father or Dean. A choked breathed passes through his lungs and tears burn at his already abused eyes. Dean stepped into his vision again, worry writ all over his face and Sam can't stop the waterworks the second they start. He starts thinking of how someday he won't ever see his brother again, and how each day his dad might leave and never come back.

"D-Dean," he cries and feels strong arms wrap around him.

Sam doesn't remember clawing at his brother to get further into his arms, he doesn't remember Dean hoisting him up so he can wrap his legs around his brother and just hold him. Hot, calloused hands rub at his heaving chest and back, Dean coos in his ear and Sam can't hold back the sobs that wreck his slim frame. He buries his face into the crook of his brothers neck, breathes deep his scent. Even under all the chlorine he can smell Dean, he smells like home, like long drives at night and kisses before bed. Sam holds tighter, he doesn't want those memories to slip away, he doesn't want his brother to leave his arms. He holds tighter, and feels one of his brothers hands come up to drag through his hair, slick it away from his messed face and show him that they're still there, standing in the kitchen, alive and breathing.

It takes a few moments before Sam finally calms down, hushed by Dean gently swaying and words of reassurance. Dean waits for the sobs to turn into sniffling and finally into a normal rhythm. By then though, Sam is out like a light and Dean doesn't have the heart to wake him up. Taking a deep breath to settle his own nerves, Dean starts out of the kitchen and heads for their bedroom. When Dean tries to extricate Sam from around him, he finds the task easier said then done. Dean sighs, the kid was in shambles and each time Dean tried to pull him off the boy only held tighter. He finally resigned himself to taking a midday nap. Dean huffed and made for his bed across the room, he liked it better then Sam's, that's why it was his. Sitting down on the bed he laid back, the weight of his lanky brother settling over him and he could feel Sam's heart beating against his chest. He had to shift limbs and settle Sam's hips in the right place so as not to crush his balls. Finally relaxing, Dean rested his cheek atop of Sam's head, the poor kid had it rough and Dean knew it was only going to get rougher as they travelled the path to becoming hunters. Closing his eyes Dean let sleep claim him, his hands relaxing on Sam's hips and his breath becoming even as he drifted into dreamland.

00

Dean is used to waking up with a body tangled around his own, he's had a handful of one nightstands. Except when he wakes this time, he knows it's not a one night stand, he knows it isn't some girl looking for a quick lay. Still curled on top of him, head nestled under his chin, is his brother. Dean wipes gunk from his eyes and stares at the ceiling, his stomach growls and he groans as he tries to shift under his brother. Which was a had task since Sam has contorted himself sometime during their nap. Dean could feel a thigh pressed heavily to his crotch, a hand tucked between their chests and the other limbs splaying out doing god knows what. He didn't know what time it was, only knew he needed to get up and eat, maybe take a leak, but his brother wasn't helping.

"Sammy," he called.

No response. Dean breathed in deep, his brother's form moving with him and he brought a hand up to rake it through Sam's stiff hair. It pulled and snagged and Dean felt his brother shifting. A whine rose from his brother and a small hand came up to move whatever was causing him pain.

"Stop," came the pitiful demand.

Dean smirked, a low chuckle rising in his chest and Sam opened his eyes, feeling his warm bed moving. Rubbing a hand into his eyes to get the sleep out Sam groggily pushed himself away from his brother to sit up. Dean's hands immediately shot up, he groaned and winced as Sam's leg dug into his sensitive groin and he raked at the appendage dragging it unceremoniously over the side of his hip and pulling Sam's butt to sit higher on his stomach. He gave a sigh of relief when his balls were no longer in danger and relaxed his tensed muscles.

"Sorry."

"It's ok."

Sam shifted a little more, making himself comfortable before spotting what he had smeared all over Dean's neck and chest. A grimace pulled at his pink lips and he reached up to touch his face., flakes of dried blood came away at his fingertips and he frowned.

"Come on, let's go take a shower, I'm sure as hell not going to let you hog all the hot water.

Sam nodded absently, he was barely listening, his thoughts were yards away, at the pool. He tried not to think of how close death had come to snatching him away. Dean sat up, gripped under Sam's thighs and lifted both of them up and headed for the bathroom. It was a tight fit, he set Sam on the counter and went about setting the shower up. Dean said he would be back but Sam still wasn't listening, he moved on autopilot. Seeing the shower he stripped off his shorts and got in. It didn't matter that his skin was already hot, the water felt amazing on his skin and muscles. The door opened and he heard Dean shuffling around before the curtain was pulled back and his brother sidestepped in. Sam could feel heat prickling up his face, it wasn't from the water either. He glimpsed a trail of dark hair curling down to parts Sam knew they both had. Only difference was, Sam had never inspected Dean's bits and bobs as closely as he had done to his own. Turning way quickly he doused his head in water and tried not to think of how they were both naked.

"Trade me places Squirt," Dean's voice rumbled over Sam's spine and dipped low, sending his stomach flip flopping.

Dean shook his head, his brother was being stubborn, hogging the water. He grasped Sam's wet biceps and directed him in the right action. The water beat down on his chest and he hummed in pleasure. Together they shifted back and forth, one washing their hair, the other lathering the shampoo in. When it finally came to Dean trying to get the caked blood from his neck, hair and chest he called on Sam to help.

"Did I get it all?" he asked before leaning down, head bowed as he extended his neck for Sam to look.

Sam hesitated before leaning closer, he peered around the nape of Dean's neck, seeing a patch of red still crusted in his hair.

"No, there's some right here," he touched the patch with his fingertips.

"Nice package Sammy."

The statement made Sam's pulse spike, realizing the sheer bad timing his brother had , "Dean!"

"What? I'm just saying," he laughed before standing up to scrub at his hair under the water.

"Don't!"

"Aw, Sammy is blushing. It's a compliment, you can look at mine, don't be so innocent."

Sam didn't miss that shit eating grin his bother flashed before closing his eyes and leaning back to let the water rinse through his water once more. Sam knew Dean was giving him a free pass and Sam couldn't help it if his eyes were curious. The pool forgotten Sam's hazel eyes traveled that dark path and came to his brother's penis. He was circumcised just like him, larger than him, and Sam knew for a fact, more experienced then him. The dark patch of curls surrounding his brother's penis made him look to his own. He was on his way, just the whisper of a trail beginning to form from his belly button and he wondered if he would ever be as big as his older brother.

"Don't look so ashamed, you're still growing," Dean laughed before ruffling Sam's hair.

Sam glared and swatted his hands away. He huffed at his brother's nature and decided he was done with the shower and stepped out into the muggy air. The mirror was fogged and steam swirled in the light. Gabbing a towel from beside the sink he started at his sopping hair. He heard the shower stop and the curtain pull back, and to his gut wrenching dismay, he had to stop himself from turning around to watch his brother towel off. Sam could only think that normal brothers didn't want to to watch the other after a shower, but then again, they weren't even a normal family. Sam could feel the heat creeping back up his face and he hurriedly left the bathroom.

00

Their father didn't return that night, only called them from a payphone at the middle of the night, out in the middle of no where, supposedly following a lead. It was another 3 days before they heard him check in again. Sam didn't want to admit it, but nightmares wee beginning to curl around in the back of his mind at night. Instead of dreamless sleep he witnessed his family drowning over and over again, and he could only watch, helpless to them. On the fourth night, Sam was woken by hands shaking him awake and the murky outline of his brother in the dark.

"Sam! Sam!"

His breath caught in his throat at the worried tone in Dean's voice. Tears burned at the edges of his eyes and Sam was thankful the lights were off. Reaching he clung to Deans neck, waiting for strong arms to finally pull him close and off the bed. Sam could feel their chest stick together, it was the middle of the night and the temperature had barely dropped in the hotel room. The fact was far from his thoughts as he pressed his face to Dean's neck, feeling his brother's wild pulse and smelling soap, dust and musk.

"Shit Sammy, you scared me."

Same squeezed his brother in apology, "Can I... can I sleep next to you tonight."

The pitiful request carried to Dean's ear even over their breathing. Swallowing thickly he nodded, "Sure."

Walking over to his bed, Dean tried not to let Sam feel what he had been doing earlier. Dropping into his bed after wandering around the house, he had hoped Sam would be fast asleep. Jeans hitched below his hips and his dick straining in the hot air. Rushing to Sam's side had put his actions out of mind and he hoped the darkness would save his dignity. Carefully laying down, Dean tried to hike Sam up higher on his chest. His brother wouldn't have anyone of that, Sam wanted to get comfortable on his own terms. Except Dean froze when Sam's behind bumped into what he had been trying to hide.

"Move your leg Dean," Sam whined, reaching back to prod at his bother.

"No, Sam, don'," a groan shuddered through Dean's form when Sam's searching hand grasped at him.

"Fuck! Dean you-"

"Yeah Sam, I was beating off until you started flailing in your sleep like you were possessed," he growled.

A strangled noise escaped Sam's lips, he face heated up instantly and something curled through his chest, slinking down into his lower abdomen. Dean's hand swatted his away, and a minute of silence passed as Dean lifted his hips to tug at his pants. Tucking himself back into his jeans he growled low for Sam to watch where he sat. More time stretched by after that, each in silence, Sam trying to decipher why he swore he could still feel the smooth skin of Dean's dick on his hand.

"Jesus Dean, my bed is right there," Sam finally mumbled.

Dean was half asleep when he heard the statement, a laugh bubbled up in his chest, "Whatever Sam, like you've never done it in our room."

Sam squeezed his eyes shut, blush rising to his cheeks, "Shut up."

"Aw Sammy is embarrassed."

"Dean will you just go to sleep!"

His laughter died down and he brought a hand up to rub Sam's back. He could remember his mother doing the same to him and it soothed him, quieted his thoughts and made sleep easier. The same could be said for Sam, he hummed in appreciation, snuggling in closer to his brother, letting his worries slip away into the dark.


	2. Normal

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot

**Title: Love is all I have  
Chapter: 2/2  
Pairing: Sam W./ Dean W.  
Words: 6,103  
Warnings:**** Male/Male, Underage, Incest, Swearing**

**(A/N) **Oh these boys, how I love them so.**

* * *

**

Its another 5 days before their father returns, bloody, ammo deprived and demanding a beer from the fridge. Sam hopes Dean won't tell about what happened at the pool, he had been glued to his brother lately. Following him around the hotel, sitting close when they watched TV and even venturing to ask if he could sleep next to Dean, to keep the nightmares away. Dean didn't seem to mind, he slung an arm around Sam's shoulders when they went walking for ice, feeling his bother's head cuddle closer to his chest. He didn't mind when Sam would ask in his quiet little voice if he could sleep with his big brother. In fact, Dean was growing more and more used to having Sam so close by, something in him shifted, he felt so much more protective then before. Neither of them had mentioned going back to the pool again, Sam especially pushed it from his thoughts.

Friday night rolls around and Dean works up the nerve to ask if he can go out to one of the bars. Sam is sitting on the couch next to him, listening as Dean asks something almost taboo in their family, to go out alone. Their father hums low in thought, and Sam hopes he says no. Looking to the TV Sam's ears burn when his father says 'yes' and then goes down a list of precautions. Dean agrees to everything and gets up from the couch to grab his stuff from their room. Hesitantly Sam gets up and drifts toward the door, meeting Dean there as he starts to pull on his shoes.

"I'll be back soon enough Squirt," he whispers and pulls Sam close, enveloping him in his scent. Kissing Sam on the head he grabs his leather jacket and leaves. Sam stands awkwardly by the door, listening to the Impala rev to life and drive away. He isn't sure how long he stands there, just that his father gets fed up enough to finally yell at him to come sit down instead of waiting like a dog. Quietly obliging, Sam joins him on the couch and watches, without really seeing, the program that's on.

It's midnight when Sam hears his brother finally stumble into the hotel room. He's curled in a ball under his blankets and listens as Dean tromps around till he finally bumbles into their room. The door closes and Sam peeks over his covers, he can hear Dean more then he can see him. His older brother shuffles over, a hand on the bed to steady himself.

"Sam, you awake," he hisses, his words drip like molasses out of his lips.

"Yeah."

Dean leans close and Sam can smell alcohol, perfume and the musky night of Mexico. The perfume makes Sam jealous and angry, he doesn't know why. Dean's hands find his blankets and yank them down. "Come on, I know you wanna sleep in my bed."

It's true, Sam wants to be close to his older brother, he wants to feel him around him, wants Dean to kiss his troubles away. Keeping quiet Sam follows his brother to the other bed, but before Dean can lay back and offer him a space, Sam grabs at his shirt. He fumbles in the dark for the bottom of it before tugging at it in silence.

"What? You want my shirt off?"

"It smells bad," is all Sam can manage.

He watches dean swat his hands away before quickly pulling it off, throwing it to the floor. Sam moves forward, between his bother's haphazard legs and wraps around his neck, inhaling the smell of Dean. Hands bigger then his own grope in the dark for him, grabbing the back of his thighs before sliding up and Sam bites back the noise he wants to make when Dean's hands travel lazily over his bottom and up. Dean grips his sides, steadies him before laying back and letting Sam do his routine of getting situated. Sam squeezed his eyes shut, pushing away thoughts of woman hanging on Dean, buying him drinks, tempting him back to their house for a little romp around. Sam can't stop thinking about them and tenses up, jealousy churns in his stomach and he leans up, kisses Dean on the cheek and hugs closer.

"What's wrong Sammy?"

"Did you... did you kiss anyone tonight?"

Dean is quiet, "Maybe, why?"

Sam can't speak, he's become so attached to his brother, so used to his attention, he doesn't want him to be dragged away by a wayward siren who will only break his heart.

"Sam," Dean tries again.

"Don't leave Dean."

"Why would I leave?"

Dean is groggy, the alcohol in his system slides through his veins at a sluggish pace and he tries to focus on what Sam is trying to get at.

"Just... don't leave me," Sam mutters again, this time kissing Dean on the cheek again.

"C'mere," Dean mumbles and catches Sam's face in his hands. He forces the younger male to sit up more.

Even if he doesn't have night vision, he can still make out the jagged lines of Sam's messy hair and speaks softly, "I'm not going anywhere."

Sam leans into his brothers hands, "Promise?"

Dean sighs at his persistence, "I promise."

He wants to hold Dean to his word, wants him to pinky swear, cross his heart and hope to die. Instead he just leans forward and presses his lips to Dean's in a chaste kiss. Because normal families kiss each other, show their love for each other and Sam wishes they could be normal.

"I love you Dean," he mumbles, fidgeting out of his brother's hands so he can lay his head down.

Warm hands rub his back in languid strokes, "I love you too Sammy."

00

Their father is gone again the next morning, a note on the fridge with messy writing indicating where and what he was doing. Together Dean and Sam floated around the hotel room, Sam found himself needing almost always to be in contact or close to Dean. He watched with interest how Dean moved, worked and he found himself growing more and more entranced by Dean's looks. Their father had estimated his time away at about a week and Sam hoped he could, without the scrutinizing look of their father form something strong with his brother. Their first night alone again Sam sat quietly next to Dean, his eyes growing heavy and he yawned. The balmy air made him feel tired, the steady breathing of his brother and the dull roar of the TV provided a monotonous lullaby.

"Come on Sammy, time to go to bed," Dean squeezed his shoulder, prodding his younger up.

Sam groaned, yawning again he slowly hefted himself, he clutched the edge of the couch and leaned into Dean for his ritual kiss. Dean hummed and grabbed Sam's cheeks, pulled him further down so he didn't have to get up. Sam smirked, grabbing at Dean's cheeks to, scowling when Dean shook his head for fun. He squished Dean's cheeks together, growling at his older brother. Dean laughed and Sam pushed further, he wanted his kiss. Leaning in Sam avoided the kiss on the head and went for one on the lips. He had wanted it again, he wanted it to be a normal thing, he just wanted Dean. His brother didn't protest, except let his hands fall and lean back into the couch, watching as Sam stopped himself short of following.

"No more stalling, go to bed."

Frowning, Sam huffed and disappeared to the bedroom. Dean sunk lower into the couch, he couldn't deny he had noticed how clingy Sam had become. He loved his younger brother, he loved how stubborn the kid was and if he really had too admit it, he loved how Sam slept atop him, warm and alive. Now he thought how he wanted to wake up in the morning, drag his brother to the bathroom and take another shower with him, watch him naked and- Dean cleared his throat, sitting up in the couch he crossed his arms. Wiping a hand over his face, maybe he was too cooped up, cabin fever, but just thinking about Sam he...he. He didn't know how to explain his feelings.

Two days later, Dean wakes to the feeling of Sam shifting on him and small whines. It took him a groggy moment before he realized that Sam was grinding on his hip, something hard pressed into his abdomen and he tried not to move. Looking down, he can see Sam is still asleep, face and mouth lax and Dean wonders if it's a sin that he's getting hard just watching his brother grinding against him. Closing his eyes, Dean tries not to moan when Sam shifts just the right way and he can feel every inch of his little brother's erection through his basketball shorts smashing deliciously into his own. He can't resist letting his hands wandering up Sam's thighs to cup around his ass. Hooking his thumbs under Sam's hip bones he grips them firmly, rocking Sam's hips in a slower, friction inducing rhythm and Dean groaned low. He jumped a little when Sam's hands suddenly gripped his biceps and he opened his eyes. Sam's hair was messed, his face flushed and his mouth hung open, making such wonderful noises.

"Dean, I-don't make me stop," he whined.

"Shit Sammy, I won't."

Sam's eyelashes fluttered, he gripped the sheets, hips rutting against Dean's and Sam knows he can't take much and he's coming quicker then he can recite his ABC's. Dean watches his brother fall over the edge, and he can't get over how hot Sam looks, mouth open, eyes half lidded and moaning over him. Dean grits his teeth cause he can't believe he's getting off to his little brother, he can't believe that just now he's realizing he's attracted to his brother and maybe loves him in more then a platonic way. Squeezing his eyes shut Dean thrusts a couple more times before he feels himself come, spilling hot come into his shorts and gripping Sam tight. It's a few moments before they're both breathing normally and Sam's eyes go wide.

"Fuck, Dean I-"

"Don't...don't say anything."

There's a flash of pure fear that strikes into Sam's chest and he isn't sure what Dean is going to do. The mess cooling in his shorts made him want to flee, but the look of content in Dean's eyes made him stay, he wanted nothing more then to go back to cuddling into his older brother, but he didn't dare move. Dean's wasn't sure where he should put his hands, except that he wanted to wipe away the fear that was growing in his hazel eyes.

"Sam," he paused, patting at his brother's hips, "lets go take a shower."

Cleaned and dressed they're sitting on the couch, TV on but neither really watching. Sam is nervous and he can't tell just how Dean feels or what he's thinking. Halfway through a rerun of some show Dean finally breathes deep and finally addresses the issue.

"Sam, I'm not sure if you realize it, but we're not like normal people."

"I know."

"C'mere Sammy," he patted his lap.

He felt his pulse spike, and he edged closer, feeling Dean's hands come up to cup his thighs Sam was dizzy with how bad he wanted to be close to Dean. Situating Sam, behind nestled in his lap Dean looked him over. Sam's tiny frame lost in the baggy t-shirt, his feathered hair still damp from the shower Dean needed to feel Sam even closer then he was then. Dean let his hands travel up, feeling a ribs through the worn cotton, around to Sam's bony shoulders and up to cup his smooth face. Rubbing his thumbs over Sam's cheeks he remembers when they were young and they used to be so chubby. Sam lets Dean caress his face, he lets Dean examine him, devour him with his eyes and he isn't sure where it's going to go. Dean's thumbs stroked further, feeling the soft skin of Sam's plump and pink lips, and he pulls at them gently. Dean can see the edge of Sam's white teeth, the roof of his mouth and he feel's Sam's tongue first. It's tentative at first, just the tip and then Dean is edging his thumb into Sam's mouth, feeling the wet heat he isn't sure he wants to leave.

Sam watches emotions flit across Dean's face before they settled on something that was dark and primal. Dean's thumb tasted of soap, but it wasn't what he wanted to taste. Leaning forward, Dean's hands slipped from his face, into his damp hair and pulled him the rest of the way. Kissing Dean was nothing like he ever imagined it would be, it started slow, their lips fitting together, molding and Sam closed his eyes, relishing the moment. Sure, he had gotten away with the occasional kiss from a girl, a different one in a different town, each nothing more then a fling. Sam let his hands slide up Dean's chest, the chest he had rested on so many times, the strong heart beat beneath it he loved listening to.

Dean can only hope their father doesn't come home anytime soon. He kisses Sam deeper, murmuring directions before he slips his tongue into the young teens mouth and tastes his little brother. He tastes like toothpaste and Dean enjoys the feel of Sam's tongue slicking around his, hesitant and innocent. It's nothing like the woman he can get at the bars to buy him drinks and other little favors. Sam is all soft noises and his face writ in concentration, like he doesn't want to mess up, but Dean doesn't care if he does, because he loves Sam and everything he does. It's another moment before Dean decides that if they keep kissing, he's going to want a repeat of what happened in the bedroom. Gently he pulled back, flicking his tongue along Sam's bottom lip before settling back.

"Dad can never know what we're doing," he says it out loud to make sure Sam is on the same page.

Nodding quickly Sam agrees, the teen doesn't want to know why kind of consequences would be in store if their father did did out. He stares at Dean for some kind of signal as to what to do next. In truth, he wants to keep kissing Dean, because he smells heavenly and he loves his older brother more then anything. Instead, Dean pats his thigh and tells him to get into the kitchen because neither of them had, had breakfast yet.

00

A day and a half later, and tentative questions from Sam, asking for kisses, their father returns, a rare and triumphant smile on his face. He informs his two sons sitting on the couch that they're leaving. Sam isn't sure isn't sure if he's happy, but then again he's tired of the weather.

They pack, stock up on food again and it's twilight before they're finally leaving and Sam is sitting in the back of the impala, alone. Dean is up front next their father, listening closer then he is about their next lead. He catches words like 'Louisiana, swamp, killings'. The night is spent cooped up in the car and little to no contact with Dean. Part of the way through the next day Sam has to answer the call of nature. Their father sends Dean to accompany him, Sam isn't sure if he can get a kiss out of his brother, especially with their father no more then 10 yards away, but he wants to try anyway. Together they walk back, the over sized key chain attached to the key jingles annoyingly and Sam can see that the bathroom is far enough back that the shelves block it from view. His hands are sweaty and before he opens the door he turns to Dean. It's instantaneous, Dean hooks a hand behind Sam's head and brings their faces together. The kiss is nothing like the one back in Mexico, this one is rough and Dean is sucking on Sam's lip, tasting mountain dew and chips. Sam hears the keys chatter when he grabs at Dean's shirt, lifting up on tip ties because he feels so short otherwise. The kiss last mere seconds before Dean is pulling away, voice low and he tells Sam to hurry up before disappearing around the corner.

They reach Louisiana midday and it doesn't take long till they're carrying their duffel bags to another room Sam is sure he'll be stuck in for the next couple weeks. Although the assistant had mentioned a games room and he was dead set on getting Dean to take him. Leading his boys into the room John made sure to scope the place out first. It was a little better then the last room, a couch that looked new, a table with not too many scratches and the carpets stain free.

"Hurry and drop your stuff, Dean, you're coming with me."

Sam watched his brother jump into action, hurriedly finding the room with twin beds he dropped everything. John was already out the door and Sam stood laden with his bags by the entrance. Dean appeared from the back, a smile on his face and he walked towed the door. Before he could leave though, there was something he needed to do. Reaching out, his fingers tangled into Sam's hair, catching the boy off guard as he was yanked up into a kiss. Sam almost couldn't believe the tiny moan that hummed in his throat when Dean snatched the kiss from him.

"Be good Sammy, put the food away while we're gone."

Frowning he nodded and watched the one constant in his life walk out the door.

00

His father and Dean return home just as Sam is getting ready for bed. Dressed in boxers and one of Dean's old shirts, Sam is brushing his teeth when Dean shows up in the bathroom mirror. A smile on Dean's face means the night had been progressive, he shuts the door and starts to strip for a shower. It's then that Sam thinks his teeth are clean enough and he's washing his mouth out while Dean tests the temperature of the shower. Sam lets his presence be known with the slightest of touches on Dean's back. His brother tenses and Sam watches how muscles jump under his fingertips, dragging them down and around Dean's hips. Pressing his forehead to the middle of Dean's back he speaks softly.

"Can I shower with you?"

Dean lets a shaky breath escape his lungs, "Sure."

He doesn't wait for Sam to get undressed before he climbs in, feels the hot water drench him and he looks back to see Sam getting in. The body of his younger brother is a few skin tones lighter than his own, a lot less scars and quivering as he edges closer. Dean isn't sure what Sam is up to, but he knows that the emotion that's burning in his chest all day is charring his insides and Dean reaches out, lets his hands fall onto the sharp curves of Sam's hips and pulls him close. Sam is already reaching up on his tip toes to get at Dean's mouth, cause now its more then being normal, its tasting and feeling his skin slick along Dean's. Dean practically purrs as Sam rubs against him, thoughts of that morning not so long ago plague his mind and Dean can't help how turned on he is at that moment. Sam can feel Dean's erection pressed heavily against his own and thoughts of burning in hell popped into his mind. They're quickly dashed when he feels Dean lean lower, hands shifting around to firmly grip his ass. More noises of hushed pleasure tumble from both their lips and Dean has forgotten about showering all together. His tongue is down Sam's throat and his hands stroke and cup the perfect ass his brother probably doesn't even know he has. Sam moans as Dean spreads kneads at his hot skin, rubbing lower and lower until his hips jerk when fingers brush against the tight hole of his ass.

"D-Dean," he whispers, surprised at the roughness of his own voice.

Sam isn't sure what Dean is playing at, only that his body temperature just shot up and he thinks he's going to come if Dean keeps paying attention to his hole. Dean nips at Sam's bottom lip, he's lost in all the steam and lust driving hormones, reaching between them he grasp both his and Sam's erection. His younger brother's arms tighten around his shoulders and he starts stroking. Sam chokes on a moan and he's coming all over their stomachs and shuddering, grasping at his brother's slick back. Dean closes his eyes, listening to his brother, moaning softly with him and it takes a few more strokes before he's joining Sam over the edge.

Heady with the afterglow Sam leans heavily against Dean, feel the hot water splatter over them and then reality comes crashing back with a loud pounding on the door. Sam just about falls over cause he jumps and slips, but Dean catches him.

"What dad!"

"Get out of the shower already," he growled though the door.

"Yeah hold on."

Dean hurriedly scrubs at their stomachs, washing the damning evidence away and hisses at Sam to get dressed, _quickly_. Sam is rushing out of the shower, grabbing at his clothes on the floor. He vaguely hears Dean getting out and then the sound of the toilet flushing, but Dean is wrapping a towel around his waist. Getting the cover-up, Sam turns the faucet on, barely washing his hands before Dean opens the door, standing between him and their father. Sam ducks behind his brother and together they edge back to their shared room.

00

Sam can't help the increasingly intimate thoughts that are growing in his mind over the next few days. There's tension that he's sure his dad can see between them and Sam is wandering around the house, waiting for his family to come back from information gathering. Sleeping in the same bed, he asks in a shy voice if they can jerk off together and Dean kisses him, uses his hands to drive Sam crazy and they're grinding in the dark, hushing their voices as they sink themselves deeper into sin. Three more days pass and its then Dean asks if he can go out by himself again and Sam stifles the unruly emotion of jealousy as he watches his brother walk out the door into the fresh night. Sam ignores how his thoughts trip over themselves as he helps his father with dinner.

Morning comes and Sam wakes with a start, his blankets are twisted around his legs and he doesn't feel warm hands on his skin like most mornings. Staggering out of the bedroom he sees Dean crashed on the couch asleep and he stands at one end. He wants to touch, he wants to make sure Dean knows he loves him and he briefly forgets to check if their father is still in the room. Crawling over the arm rest Sam traverses Dean's splayed legs, gently brushing their hips together before settling his legs on either side of Dean's thighs. He can smell what ever bar Dean lied his way into and he wants the shirt to leave like last time.

Skinny fingers dance along the edge of the soft, white cotton shirt and heat radiates off of Dean's skin. Pushing further, Sam closes his eyes and barely breathes, he let's his fingertips paint of picture. He sees and feels every dip and curve, tries to memorize each scar and before he knows it, hands clasp onto his hips, startling a noise out of him. Looking down, Dean has him pegged with a stare that sends chills down Sam's spine. The hands on his hip drag closer, nudge at his back to lean down and Sam can see his brother is waiting. Sam can still smell alcohol on Dean's breath, he can see the bags under his eyes from staying out to late and Sam can feel his slightly chapped lips against his own. Dean' tongue slides out, wetting their lips before it's asking permission into his little brothers mouth, which Sam easily gives. He can't get enough of Sam's mouth, he thinks of it when he kisses girls at the bar, thinks if it when he watches them go down on his dick and he finds it only makes him painfully harder. Except this time Dean pushes Sam back after a taste and the noise the younger males makes goes straight to his groin. Patting Sam's ass he throws his chin toward their father's room.

"Go check."

The carpet stifles Sam's bare feet as he pads to go see just whether or not they're alone. Peering in, Sam can see an empty bed with sheets thrown askew by a body already gone. He can't help but he excited, they're alone and he wants nothing more then to kiss and touch Dean. Before Dean can even voice his question, Sam is jumping onto the couch, hands pulling Dean's shirt as he rises up to kiss his brother. They devour the others mouth, saliva glistening in the dim light and Sam moans into his brother's mouth when hands starting roam beneath the hem of his basketball shorts. Dean kneads at Sam's ass, he's nervous and excited, he had stayed out all night, drinking, ending up at a porn shop. He had been nervous, but all the alcohol had numbed his nerves and he steeled himself, for what he was looking for. Dean had glimpsed covers of gay porn, but never actually looked inside the magazines. His face was on fire as he flipped through glossy mags, men bent over another, their dicks going into places he hadn't ever really thought of. It was then he started thinking of Sam, and he _had_ to get out of there, had to get home. There was no way he was going to sleep in the same bed as Sam, not after those thoughts lurked in his hazy mind. Now, with his brother so pliant in his hands, he patted his hip, indicating they were going to get up.

"C'mon, we're gonna shower, I wanna try something."

Sam pauses, he wants to try something? His chest tightens but he gets up anyway, his nerves are jittery as he leads the way back to the shower. The door closes as he turns the water on and Sam practically jumps out of his skin when hands slide up underneath his shirt, dragging up. Hands shaking, Sam feels Dean drop kiss up the length of his spine before tugging his shirt off. Steam rises from the shower and Sam is surprised that Dean doesn't follow immediately, he lets the water pull his hair into soaked ragged clumps. Dean enters, quiet and Sam hopes whatever he has planned won't ruin what they have. Ducking under the water for a moment, Dean rubs his hands, nervous and yet excited. He leans down, kissing Sam slowly, from forehead to lips, coaxing him closer, running his hands soothingly up and down Sam's back.

"Sam," he murmured.

"Yea?"

"I'm gonna finger you," Sam blushes instantly,"so don't freak out."

"F-finger?" His voice shakes and Sam clutches at Dean's hips, feels his hands slide down, gripping at his behind, tentatively rubbing a finger against his tight entrance.

Dean nibbles at Sam's lips, kissing to distract his brother before testing, prodding gently with his middle finger. He hopes Sam can relax, he's never done this before, and it scares him to hurt Sam. Yet the intense heat, tight clench of muscles he feels as he pushes further makes his hips cant toward his brother, Sam whines, rubbing up against his erection. Dean digs the fingers of his other hand into Sam's hip, closes his eyes and imagines pushing into Sam, feeling all that he is envelope him and he moans softly. He shouldn't want this, but he does, he loves Sam and he thinks it's more then just brotherly love now.

"You gotta relax Sammy."

He bites at Sam's neck, kissing and sucking lightly, waiting before he moves his finger in slow languid stokes. Dean can only hope for the best, he figures he has to start somewhere and the thought of forcing himself into Sam, dick first, sets his nerves alight with worry and anticipation. Sam has his face buried into the crook of Dean's neck, he's holding on, trying to decided whether he likes the feeling or not. It's foreign, exotic and his brain isn't sure how to process it, just that mixed with the pleasure of their cocks slicking lazily back and forth, he doesn't mind it. Using his ring finer, Dean starts pressing with it, murmuring into Sam's ear to relax as he begins stretching the younger male, preparing him for something he hoped they both wouldn't regret. Capturing Sam's lips again the young hunter shoves his tongue in deep, slicking and teasing in a way he hopes distracts Sam even more. Pushing deeper, he notices how Sam's hips start pushing against his fingers, the quiet mewling noise that fan along his skin make Dean shudder and push harder till Sam is gasping and blunt nails are digging into his wet hips. Dean isn't sure how long he should prep Sam, but his nerves or hyper aware and his cock is aching to be inside the lithe body rubbing against him. When he removes his fingers he can feel Sam's hips follow, he groans softly, kissing Sam before turning the water off.

"Go to our room, lay down on my bed," Dean whispered, his voice was husky.

Sam obliged, shivering as he stepped out of the shower, the steam in the bathroom lazily curled out when he opened the door. He was turned on, wet and the air was cold. Their room was still bathed in dim lighting. Wringing his hands nervously Sam slowly crawls onto the bed,laying on his back, wet and excited. His fingers play across the shaft of his erection and when he sees Dean enter, a bottle of something in one hand and a condom in the other. Sam can't decided wether to blush or open his legs wider and he finds Dean's half lidded eyes staring at him like a predator would his prey. Swallowing thickly Sam silently let's his knees fall apart further and Dean is crawling between them. Sam make a small noise when he sees Dean's eyes drop to his erection and Sam thinks he's going to come right there without Dean even touching him. Except Dean has other plans and a soft, pink tongue slips out to tentatively drag along the head and Sam's hips jerk. He's coming so fast Dean barely has time to envelop Sam in wet heat. Sam can't stand the fact he's horny as hell, and coming so early that his cheeks are red. The moan he had let out fades and his chest is heaving, looking to Dean he wants to say 'sorry about that', but the look of Dean staring at him, licking his lips derails all trains of thought.

Dean can see how Sam trembles underneath him, the power he has over his little brother sends another tendril of lust curling through his body. Slinking up he pressed a kiss to Sam's lips before sitting back to mess with the lube and condom finally.

"It's going to hurt, isn't it?"

A small grimace tugs as Dean's lips but he nods, "Probably. Sorry."

"it's okay, I want... I want to feel you in me," Sam whispers and the tone of his voice sends shivers skittering over Dean's skin.

"Shit Sammy, say that again."

Licking his lips,"I want to feel you inside me, Dean."

Growling softly Dean barely gives warning before he's shoving a slippery finger into Sam, the boy's hips jerk and Dean slides a second in, slicking Sam's insides as best he can. He likes that Sam's hips are trying to push further down into his fingers as he can take it any longer. Ripping at the condom Dean tries not to show how shaky his hands are. He's nervous but Sam is already half hard again, stroking slowly as he watches Dean put the condom. Scooting forward Dean runs a hand up his brother's thigh, feeling his muscles quiver, the drops of water smear, making the smooth skin glisten. With restraint, that Dean wasn't sure he could keep up, he pressed gently against Sam's entrance eyes flicking up to the younger boys face.

His hands gripped tightly around Sam's hips, painstakingly slow he pushed gently into Sam, feeling how hot he was, how tight and how erotic it felt to have his brother wrapping around him. Leaning down he kisses Sam, feels his erection poke into his stomach and he keeps gently pushing forward, feeling Sam clench with each thrust. Dean didn't know how he was going to last with the way Sam felt, with the noises he made. It seemed like forever before he was finally buried fully inside Sam, feeling his body, his muscles and before they both knew it he was pulling out, and slowly making his entrance back in. Moaning softly Sam finds the feeling so strange, being pushed open again and again by his brother.

The pace gradually builds and Sam holding close to Dean, moaning when he gets his thrusts just perfect and rubs against something that sends molten pleasure all over his nerves. Dean's thrust become harder, rougher and he's pushing Sam into the sheets, grunting, moaning and kissing whatever skin presents itself. Sucking along Sam's neck he feels his brother arching against him, feels his brother getting tighter and tighter before Sam finally hits his peak, almost screaming Dean's name. The heavenly sound, it becomes all that Dean can hear and the impossibly hot tightness around him gets so tight he seeing stars. Thrusting a few more times Dean is moaning low next to Sam's ear, thrusting as orgasm wrecks his body and he's clutching hips hard.

Sam is limp, his chest rising and falling as he tries to catch his breath, the fact that his first time had been with his brother, that their father was somewhere risking his life for them was far from his mind. Dean rests heavily against Sam, hoping he isn't crushing the lithe teen, but his body is spent and his nerves are almost numbed from pleasure. It's a few minutes before Dean pulls out, relishing in how Sam groans at the loss. He's reluctant but finds his way to the bathroom, riding himself of the evidence before shoving Sam over to make room. Groping blindly for a blanket Sam covers them, curls into Dean's chest, smelling sweat and sex and every of smell that makes it Dean's.

"Dean,"

"Yeah?"

"We're not normal are we?"

Closing his eyes Dean rakes a hand through Sam's damp hair, "No, but I like it that way."

Sam hums quietly, "Me too."


	3. 1,2,3

disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot

(A/N) This was sitting in my doc manager and it needed to be posted. So I'm changing this story into a collection of them, so when the writing bug bites me and I feel like writing Sam/Dean, I'm going to post them altogether like I did with "It's justus baby."

* * *

**_Firsts_**

There are a lot of first for Sam while they're on the road. The first time he tried a sip of his dad's beer, the first time he'd ever seen a tornado, while in Missouri. He could remember the first time he had made a snowman with Dean, and then they rightly demolished it afterwards. Most of all, Sam could remember the first time Dean kissed him.

It was the last day of school and Sam was waiting patiently in the front of the school, he had actually finished the semester there an was excited for his grades. During his time at the school Sam had fallen head over heels for a black haired, blue eyed girl in the same grade as him, her name was Mina. He knew it wouldn't last even after he had confessed he liked her, with much stuttering. The reason he was waiting at the front was to break the news to her, he wanted a goodbye kiss and to tell her how much he would miss her. Being 13 he was a ball of nerves as he watched the crowds of middle schoolers pass by. Mina found him first, jogging through the crowd, a smile on her young face.

"Sam! I'm so excited, summer is here!"

He managed a weak smile before it dropped and he couldn't wait any longer, "Mina, I'm not going to be around this summer."

The excited tone of her voice shifted, "Are you going on vacation?"

Vacation, ha, far from it, "No, I'm moving out of state and-"

"What! Why didn't you tell me?"

Sam felt his heart sink, her voice was shaky, hurt in her eyes and he hoped she wouldn't cry, "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to worry or anything."

Again her moods shifted, "So you're just breaking up with me? That's it?"

"Don't be mad, I still like you."

"Yeah but you're moving away!"

"I know I'm sorry-"

"Stop it! How could you Sam?"

The tears finally broke and Sam reached out to hug her, compfort her because his stomach was twisting into knots. Mina made a noise and slapped his hand away, "I really like you Sam. I can't believe you would just leave."

He was at a loss for words, his shoulders falling and he didn't know what to say next, so Mina spoke instead.

"Good bye Sam."

Mina pushed past him, sniffling and Sam stood quietly as the crowds of children thinned. Grabbing the straps of his backpack he sighed heavily, from there he turned around, looking for his brother. He spotted the shiny black Impala, purring next to the curb, his brother leaning back in the drivers seat, calm, cool. Silently he got in, shoving his backpack onto the floorboard and sat back, barely acknowledging his brother. Looking out the window Sam tried not to think about Mina, tried not to think about the friends he was leaving behind.

"What? No hello?"

Sam shrugged, "Hey."

"What's a matter Sammy?"

"Nothing."

"Doesn't seem like nothing."

Sam closed his eyes, he hated being a teenager, he wanted to grow up, be like Dean, strong, confident, "I was gonna kiss my girlfriend goodbye, but she hates me now."

"Oh."

The silence in the car grew to the size of an elephant and Sam finally looked at Dean, they hadn't moved yet. Dean looked thoughtful, staring at the dark steering wheel he finally sighed.

"I know it might seem like you won't find another girl-"

"Dean, please, please don't act like wise old big brother right now. I don't want to hear it."

Scowling Dean punched him in the shoulder, "I was trying to be all cool and you just shot me down!"

The hint of a smile edge at Sam's soft lips, "Whatever."

"Just listen, you're going to remember this forever you know. That kiss, the one you never got, but don't let it get you down."

"What do you mean?"

Humming in thought for a moment Dean replied, "Its like the one that got away ya know? But don't think of it like that, think of it like a new beginning."

"New beginning?"

"Instead of wasting that sad kiss on that girl, now you can give it to someone else and it'll be happier. Understand?"

Sam' eyebrows were pinched together, not really sure what to make of the advice he had been given. Except that Dean was glaring at him and he was punched in the shoulder again.

"Ow!"

"That's for looking like a freaking deer in headlights. I'm giving you invaluable advice right now and you're just looking at me!"

"Oh shut up Dean, you're not cool enough to give me advice."

Dean gave a scoffing laugh before he reached over to give Sam a noggie. Sam protested, laughing as he fought back, he enjoyed teasing his brother, he enjoyed their banter. Dean was smirking as he tried to get a hold of Sam's head, he would give the little snot a noggie for denying his words of pure wisdom. They fought for a second, tugging and pulling at each before they both had each other's heads locked between their hands.

"Listen to your big brother Sam, I know what's good for you!"

"Yeah right you old fart!"

Growling Dean struggled against Sam's long arms, a hand was trying to fist into his short hair and squeezed Sam's face in response. They were at a standstill for a moment, Sam could feel laughter bubbling up into his chest, he smiled and caught his breath from the tussle.

"Sam, we can't let that kiss go to waste you know."

"What?"

Dean smirked, and pulled Sam forward, mashing their lips for a mere second before throwing the kid off of him. Sam spluttered and swatted at Dean, shouting curses and how ridiculous he was.

"Gross!"

"Not gross, I just saved you," Dean shook his finger at Sam.

"I'm going to die from Dean germs now."

Dean resited the urge to punch his little brother again, they had to get home before dad started to worry.

**_Seconds_**

There were quite a few seconds that had happened for Sam while on the road, a few of them all in the same day. For a second time he had broken a girl's heart, this time a few weeks before the end of 8th grade. He went home with Dean like usual, finding the hotel room empty, like usual. Dumping his stuff near the door Sam wandered to their room to change out of his school clothes. Dean on the other hand headed for the kitchen, snatching a beer from the top shelf of the fridge he twisted it open and took one of many illegal drinks. Sam reappeared, sweats and an old t-shirt, his nightly uniform. He spotted Dean with the beer and gave him a look that said 'dad will get mad'. Shaking his head Dean swallowed and curled a finger at Sam to come closer. A little wary he shuffled over, he didn't know what Dean had planned, but when the beer was held out for him he raised an eyebrow.

"Have some."

"But I-"

"Shut up, take a drink."

Sam scowled, he hated when his brother got all commanding. Peering at the long neck of the brown bottle he hesitantly reached out, noting how thin his fingers were compared to Dean's, which had been worn rough from years of tying traps and feeling the recoil of guns. Dean watched bemused as Sam's fingers curled around his own and slowly brought the bottle up to his lips before, and in his personal opinion, daintily took a sip.

The reaction was almost instantaneous, Sam blanched and shoved the beer away, a low rumbling laughing burst from Dean's lips and he licked the rim, watching Sam from under dark lashes, there was no end to how amusing his little brother was. Sam watched back, his brother's cocky attitude permeated the air, how Dean's tongue slid along the top of the bottle to catch any flavor that might have escaped. If Sam were really watching, but of course he wasn't, he watched how Dean's eyes went half lidded and just how long did it take to lick around the top of a beer bottle anyway!

"I..you...Argh!"

Promptly turning on his heel, Sam marched out of the kitchen and into the small living room to watch TV. Dean hummed in amusement, little Sammy was flustered. Strolling over he took his time, winding around the room like a hunter would his prey, he finally settled on the couch, the brothers on either ends.

"Sammy whammy, how was your day?" Dean teased.

"Fine."

"Just fine?"

"Yes."

Dean resisted the urge to poke Sam with his foot, lest he get it bitten off, oh well, he'd handled worse.

"Anything happen at school?"

"No."

"C'mon Sammy, stop being-"

"Jeez Dean, you're so annoying!"

Laughing loudly Dean leaned over and elbowed Sam, "That's my job short stuff."

Planting both hands firmly on Dean's chest, Sam shoved his brother off the couch, a small wisp of satisfaction curled in his chest at seeing Dean thrown into a heap on the floor. It soon turned to dread when he saw the spilled beer down the front of Dean's shirt and pants, oh no.

"You're gonna pay for that you little shit," Dean's voice was threatening, but laced with enough playfulness, that Sam knew if he ran now, he might be able to make it to the bedroom in time to lock the door.

The second Sam started to scramble over the armrest, Dean tossed the empty bottle and bolted for Sam's legs. He caught a thin ankle just as Sam was half way over, his little brother shrieked in terror.

"No, Dean I'm sorry! I swear!"

A smile cut through Dean's lips as he tugged at Sam, dragging the wriggling teen over the armrest and back onto the couch. Laying on his back Sam held his hands out as Dean stood over him chuckling. Dean watched as a hazel eye peeked from between long fingers, Sam was waiting for the inevitable. There was a gleam in Dean's forest green eyes and he let go of Sam's ankle in favor of grabbing at his hands. Sam defiant, unintelligible noises as Dean, who was stronger then him, pinned his hands to the armrest and hovered over his face.

"Ready Sam?"

Sam shook his head quickly, "No, no no! Mercy! Uncle! I giiive!"

A loud, disgusting noise came from the back of Dean's throat and Sam's struggling increased ten fold as he realized he was about to be subjected to something more unsettling then ectoplasm in his face. One, large glob of Dean infested saliva was about to say hello to his face.

"Dean please no! I'll do anything! Anything!"

Humming in amusement Dean paused in his mixing of bodily fluids and looked Sam in the eyes.

"I'll.. I'll um..." Sam was at a loss for words.

Swallowing Dean leaned down close to Sam's face, "Well kiddo?"

"I... what do you want?"

Dean was more then pleased at his brother's look of panic, there were lots of things Dean wanted, a lot of those things involved Sam. A better home, their mother back, a good education for Sam, the list went on. Looking around as if he was actually thinking about what he wanted, Dean couldn't stop the smile on his lips when he looked back to his brother. Fear lanced through Sam's stomach and his muscles clenched in anticipation. Dean chuckled low, using the fact that they were so close to his advantage, leaning forward to plant the briefest of kisses to Sam's young lips he jumped away and nonchalantly removed his shirt as he went to go change.

"Dean! You're so gross!"

Sam's heart was going a mile a minute as he wiped a hand over his mouth, second time Dean had kissed him! Crossing his arms he sat quietly on the couch brooding, if Dean was going to make a habit out of kissing him, then Sam was going to make a habit out of teasing him for it.

**_Thirds_**

Now Sam rarely got thirds on anything, thirds when eating, third in his class (he was always in the top two) and Sam hadn't really expected to get a third kiss from Dean. In fact, things happened the other way aroudn. They were sitting side by side on the hood of the impala, Arizona was giving them a show and the sunset was raking the colors from the sky. They were a few miles out of town while there father was sleeping the day away. Laying back on the windshield Sam was nestled against his brother's side. His birthday was coming, big old 16 and he knew better then to think anyone would really notice.

"Hey Dean."

"What."

"I'm turning 16 next week."

"Is that so?"

"Yep."

Sam was quiet, their breathing matching in a slow easy rhythm as they watched the spectacle of clouds turning colors and the sky growing cold.

"Was there something you wanted?"

'Another kiss' Sam wanted to say, his face felt hot. So maybe the few times Dean had kissed him, Sam had walked away a little more then confused. In fact, Sam had walked away wondering why he was still thinking about it at all, especially days after the incidents.

"No."

"Liar, or you wouldn't have mentioned it."

Sam sat up, his hair was messy, his eyes a darker brown in the waning light. Dean watched him, the mood had subtly shifted as he stared into Sam's eyes, ok, maybe this wasn't such a good thing, but he was more than interested in what his little brother was doing. The silence between them was more of a hum now, the faint sound of the town bars opening up, the wind chilling their skin and the almost tangible confidence Sam was working up. Dean noted a pause in Sam's breathing and watched as his brother came closer, watched how he could see the curves of Sam's maturing face as puberty and life stole his innocence away.

Growing ever closer, Dean could see that even if Sam was confident in what he was doing, he wasn't confident in how they would come out of this. For better, or worse. Sam was mere inches away, maybe hoping his brother would stop him, or hoping to give him another choice, except it didn't come, it didn't happen and when he pressed his lips to Dean's the lights went out.

Dean would remember the moment for years to come, because when he opened his eyes he saw thousands of stars, saw the clouds a cold grey and his brother's messy hair tickling his cheek. Reaching up Dean tunneled his fingers through Sam's hair and kissed his brother back, sin saturated the air and Sam felt an urgency bubble in his chest at the feel of his brother's hand. If he didn't act now he wasn't sure he ever would. Hesitantly he licked along Dean's lips and soon found himself tasting his brother's tongue, hot, slippery and there was nothing that could stop them now.


End file.
